Your dad touched me again.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
