Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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