Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
