Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
