did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
