yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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