i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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