She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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