no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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