Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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