I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
