So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
