At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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