I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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