Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
