A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
