If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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