I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
