i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
