the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
