at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
