I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
