Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
