I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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