I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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