After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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