I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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