well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
