Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the day after is always just damage control
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My life is pants optional.
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