Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
