i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
