He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
