ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
