its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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