the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
