I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
