I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
