So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need to stop coming to work sober
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
