P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
