I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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