You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
