yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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