At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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