my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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