If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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