Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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