So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
