i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
