the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
