Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
