I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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