It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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