i was born a porn star she said
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
