I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
