I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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