so explain again why im purple
no
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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