I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
