Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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