really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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