i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
