So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
