happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
