so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
